Crystal's Erotiblog

New Release from Ellora’s Cave

2011-11-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

Red Hunger is the first book in my exciting new Night Squad series about special agents with the CIA. They are top secret assassins brought in to hunt criminals too dangerous for conventional law enforcement. These agents swiftly and quietly deal with the worst of the worst; gang members, drug lords, and terrorists. Permanently. No capture, no trial, no twenty years on death row.

And they’re vampires.

They can see in pitch dark. They’re inhumanly strong. And they can’t be killed. If the Night Squad is after you, you’re already dead.

You just don’t know it yet.

* * * *

.....Vince sensed a new customer slide up to the bar and headed that way. He gave his standard “what’llyahave” while mostly avoiding eye contact.
.....“What do you have on tap?”
.....The newcomer’s deep baritone jerked him back to the here and now, resonating over every nerve ending.
.....The man had been in here before, part of the trucker crowd that stopped occasionally on their cross-country hauls. Vince didn’t know his name, but he knew the man was dangerous.
.....Everyone here was dangerous. If the regulars who frequented this bar knew he was gay, they’d beat the shit out of each other for first rights to beat the shit out of him. He presented the same disinterest to all his customers—rednecks, gangbangers and truckers alike. Vince was the world’s greatest invisible bartender.
.....“Amstel, Heineken, Budweiser and Sierra Nevada.” He unloaded a tray of clean mugs as he listed them, careful to make no more than fleeting eye contact.
.....The trucker was fucking hot, and had an effortless power to unnerve him. Vince vividly remembered each one of his three previous visits to Rowdy’s. There was something in the way the guy looked at him that had purpose, intensity. Vince knew he was imagining whatever he saw in those looks, but had lain awake nights thinking about the guy after those previous stops. Now those fantasies were flashing in his head like neon banners.
.....With long black hair and a goatee, and somewhat ratty clothes, he wasn’t the usual type that interested Vince. But beneath the grungy appearance his clear, healthy skin and straight, white teeth hinted at better hygiene than the front revealed. Smooth, tapered fingers and neat, clean nails were the giveaway. His eyes were the most amazing part of his handsome face. Their blue was almost turquoise, under heavy brows that hinted at a deeper intellect than the typical beer-swilling, tramp-chasing grunts that frequented Rowdy’s.
.....“Real extravagant menu you got there.”
.....“What the fuck do you want from a dump like this?” Vince demanded a little too gruffly.
.....“Gimme a bottle of Dos Equis. I prefer Mexican beer.”
.....He popped the bottle and poured the beer, careful to avoid a head, but smacked it down hard enough to slosh. “Four fifty.” He turned away and cleaned up the back counter as a sweat broke out on his brow. Twenty minutes until two. Thank God he could announce last call in five minutes.
.....The trucker tossed out a ten. “Keep it.”
.....Vince nodded, the extent of his gratitude even though it was what counted as a good tip in this dump. He wished the guy would find another piss hole to drink from. He didn’t need a reminder of how cold and lonely the last two years had been in the form of an unattainable stud who sent his mouth watering.
.....“I’m in from Stockton with a feather of artichokes. Looking to add to my load.”
.....Vince merely glanced at him as he shifted dirty glasses onto the now empty dishwasher tray.
.....“You know how I can put on some weight?”
.....“What?” he tossed back, pretending ignorance. He knew exactly what the guy wanted, and it ate a hole in his gut. And strangely, it also brought a sense of relief. If the guy was a drug runner, he was vermin Vince wouldn’t touch wearing a hazmat suit.
.....“Vince, go unload the Firestones that came in this afternoon.” Bill, his boss and the owner of the “dump”, hiked his pants under his beach ball gut as he walked the length of the bar. Vince hoped he hadn’t overheard that little endearment.
.....He did as he was told, grateful for a reason to leave the front until closing. If Johnny Depp were to walk through the front door and ask him for a date, Vince would tell him to fuck off. That’s how off-limits any male in the state of Utah was to him. He couldn’t wait to get back to San Francisco and attend civilized functions with successful, handsome, eligible men. Out here what passed for style was oversized truck tires and sterling silver wallet chains.
.....Vince was glad Mr. Dark and Mysterious was a drug-carrying loser. Learning this was like a slap upside the head. What the hell had he been thinking, even fantasizing about the guy? His idea of sexy was neatly trimmed hair, designer suits and successful portfolios. He’d do well not to let himself forget that.
.....He unloaded the Firestones, knowing Bill wouldn’t ask him to do such heavy work at the end of his shift when he was tired unless he wanted to get rid of him. He then hefted the trash and hauled it out the back door. The empties could wait until tomorrow. Or maybe he’d just leave them. Maybe he wouldn’t even show up tomorrow.

Red Hunger is available at Ellora's Cave

Release Day Celebration!

2011-09-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, it’s been over a year since my last release with Loose Id. I’m super excited about today’s release, Comes the Wolf. This is my first werewolf story, but not my first creature story. Like many people, I’ve always wished I had superpowers of some sort, so naturally I love creating otherworldy creatures with amazing talents and giving them my own spin. When Aidan Chase shifts into his wolf form, he retains his human knowledge and ability to understand human language, yet he also possesses a keen animal intellect.

Today I’ll be giving away two personal copies, one drawn from comments to this blog. For a second opportunity to win a personal copy, pop over to the official unofficial blog of Loose Id authors, Loose Ends and leave a comment there.

Here's a short excerpt from Comes the Wolf.

Randie heaved the garbage bag into the dumpster and swabbed her hands off on the dish rag she kept looped in her apron. She took out the napkin with a handful of small cubes of steak she’d cut out of the leftovers from a customer’s plate.

“Ginger, kitty-kitty-kitty. Here, Ginger. I have a treat for you.”

She waited patiently and quietly, shivering in the dusk chill. Rolling gray clouds had blocked out the sun since noon, and while that would have given the afternoon a muggy feel in New Hampshire, here the cold seemed to seek out a person’s bones.

The tiniest meow rewarded her patience. The orange kitten peeked out from the narrow crevice between two empty crates. Randie knelt and smoothed out the napkin, offering the meat but making the kitten come to retrieve it.

“Sooner or later you’re going to have to learn to trust me. It’s going to snow any day now, and I’m going to take you inside.” She’d wager her paycheck this poor little stray kitten had been born in spring, and the first snowfall was going to come as a nasty surprise.

Ginger cautiously inched forward, tempted by the enticing aroma of corn-fed T-bone steak. The first bite turned the kitten’s purr motor on high-rev, and she allowed herself to be scratched behind the ears as she gobbled up the bits.

“I’m going to snatch you up, yes I am, and take you home with me and give you a nice, cozy kitty bed. You’ll be living in the lap of luxury, yes you will.” She’d already talked to Carol Ann about the kitten. The older woman had been reluctant at first, but only because her beloved cat Elmo had died at sixteen years old the previous fall. Randie didn’t intend to bring it up again, but the next morning Carol Ann had a change of heart and told Randie to bring the kitten home as soon as she could coax it out.

Ginger suddenly bounced backward with superkitty speed and flattened her ears. She let out a hiss that could scare a Rottweiler and gave Randie a start.

“Ginger --”

But the kitten wasn’t looking at her; its attention was focused at the end of the alley behind Randie.

She shot to her feet and whirled around. A balled-up paper bag rolled past on a gust of wind. Randie placed a hand to her heart. She was overly paranoid lately, and the wolf sighting, after a similarly eerie sensation of being followed this morning, only exacerbated her tension.

When she turned back, Ginger had vanished, but a man stood in the alley. Randie let out a yelp.

“Brett, you scared me.”

He moved closer in a stalking, fluid gait, like a mountain lion on the prowl. Tiny hairs rose all over her body.

“Why don’t you like me, Randie?”

“I like you just fine.”

“I was hoping for more than ‘just fine.’”

She backed away as he moved in too close for comfort. “I don’t know you well enough to know if I like you more.”

He shot out a hand and snatched her around the waist. “How about we get to know each other better, then?”

She pushed on his shoulders. “Hey, let go.”

He leaned in, stinking of booze. Randie arched her back until she couldn’t anymore.

“Write me up on a misdemeanor because I’m stealing a kiss, baby.”

“What you’re going to get is a knee in the nuts if you don’t get your hands off,” Randie promised him.

His eyes narrowed, but like Ginger he was staring down the alley behind her.

“The lady said hands off.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Brett let her go so fast she nearly fell.

“I’m the law in this alley as far as you’re concerned, friend, and it isn’t a misdemeanor you’re going to get but a fist in your face.”

“How about you mind your own business, friend,” Brett shot back.

Randie sidled out from between them. It took her a minute to place the other man as the new guy at Joe Wright’s garage.

“I don’t take kindly to hillbillies who manhandle women.”

“Enough.” Randie sliced the air with a hand. “I don’t need you to do my talking for me,” she said to the other man. She turned and pointed a finger at Brett. “You don’t have permission to touch me. Got it?”

Both glared at each other. Brett strode toward the other man in a slow, menacing manner. “And I don’t take kindly to nosy bodies who poke into my business.”

He threw a punch. Randie covered her mouth to smother a scream. Even though she knew she should run back inside for help, her feet were frozen to the ground.

The other man caught Brett’s fist in his hand. For a moment both struggled, unwilling to be the first to back down. Brett fell to his knees. He grunted, and it turned to a howl of pain.

Her rescuer released him. “Wanna try again?”

Brett cradled his crushed hand. “Screw you.” He scrambled to his feet and hurried off with an uneasy glance over his shoulder.

Randie let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She probably wouldn’t see Brett for a while, but when she did, his mood would surely be foul.

Her rescuer took a cautious step closer. “Are you okay?”

She hugged her arms in front of her chest. “I’m…I’m fine.”

He moved into the pool of light from the single lamp over the door. “Um, I was just walking by, and I heard the scuffle from the street.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder as if to explain that street.

She nodded, realizing she was as goggle-eyed as she had been earlier today when he’d had lunch with Wright’s group. Lordy, he was tall and built very nicely: broad in the shoulders and narrow in the hips. His pale blue eyes made a striking combination with his chiseled good looks. He wore a friendly smile, but there was something dangerous about him, probably inspired by the scar that crossed his eyebrow and nicked his cheekbone, as if someone had slashed at him with a knife.

“I’m Aidan Chase.” He extended his hand. “Official new guy in town.”

“We have something in common, then. I’m…Randie Smith, official new girl in town.” Damn, she’d almost said Maddie.

His grip was firm, his hand warm, and his touch brought an instant sense of safety.

“Oh yeah? Where are you from?” He held on to her hand, but it didn’t seem inappropriate.

“Back east,” she said simply.

He released his grip, and their hands slid apart. “By your accent, I’d say…Massachusetts. No, Vermont.”

She smiled while a zing of nerves danced in her belly. She hadn’t thought people could pin her by her accent.

“Good guess,” she said noncommittally. “You?”

“Utah. Colorado. Wherever the military wanted to send me. I, uh, Joe is my uncle. My mother asked me to hang around a while, make sure he’s okay.”

He had a really nice face, she decided. “I can tell you had some kind of formal training. You handled him very…diplomatically.”

He laughed, and warmth spread through Randie. His smile was wonderful. As much as she wanted to prove her independence -- to others and to herself -- there was something magical about a handsome, heroic man coming to her rescue. Aidan was certainly well stocked in both areas.

“Sorry for snapping at you.”

He held up both hands. “No problem.”

“Thanks, then. Nice to meet you, Aidan.”

She was about to suggest he come into Dolly’s for a free beer when his expression went tense. He looked up over the fence separating Dolly’s alley from Weekday Hardware. His nostrils flared as though scenting something dangerous she hadn’t noticed.

“Go inside, Randie.” He took a step in the direction Brett had run off.

Tension wound tight in Randie again. “Did he come back? Should I call the police?”

He shot her a look. She sucked in a breath. For a second…it almost looked as if his eyes had gleamed.

“No.” The tension left his expression, but she could tell his smile was forced. “Just go inside.”

Win a copy! Alpha Heat from Liquid Silver Books

2011-05-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

Hello, it's May 9th and Alpha Heat releases today from Liquid Silver books! Here's a short excerpt to whet your appetite.

As outlined on my website, my contest will run a little differently for this release. All you have to do is comment here to be eligible for my drawing, but my contest will only run for 1 week. You have until midnight, Sunday, May 15th to enter. On Monday the 16th I'll choose two winners and notify them so anonymous posters need to include an email address in their comments to be eligible.

Alpha Heat

Tamara Obian froze at the shattered window. She hadn’t realized the prince’s harem sat at the top of a five-story drop to an impossibly narrow ledge. Beyond it, a sheer cliff looked over the valley floor below. She wobbled in the broken frame, staring down at jagged rocks as a warm breeze taunted her with unattainable freedom.

The green creature grabbed her around the waist and jumped. She screamed, her heart in her throat, as they plunged straight down.

With a squishy rustling sound, leathery wings unfolded from the creature’s back. They soared forward, clearing the ledge, but were still plummeting straight for the jungle below. It couldn’t fly carrying her. Tamara screamed again and again as the jungle rushed toward them.

“Unga tai, Rendar woman!” They pitched, out of control, gaining speed by the second. At the last moment, the creature flapped its wings furiously, increasing their arc. They crashed through the canopy of a dense halla tree. The cool, moist leaves slowed their trajectory, and Tamara tumbled onto the mossy forest floor.

She was free of the palace!

Her joy was short lived. The creature grabbed her arm and jerked her to her feet. A swath of her harem wrap caught on a thorny bat bramble and tore.

“Let me go!”

The creature was hideous, a half-man, half-lizard with an ugly snout and a row of barbs running down its long neck. It turned and dragged her deeper into the jungle, walking upright with a limp in its right leg.

“Tau unag baha, Rendar woman.” You come with me.

That was not good. It occurred to her that if the creature didn’t want her as a hostage, it would have thrown her free and landed itself safely.

She jerked against its solid grip. “You understand me, I know you do. I am Princess Tamara from Rendaria Alpha. Any punishment you faced before will be ten times worse if you do not unhand me!”

“Prin-cessss,” it hissed. “Heh heh heh.”

She didn’t know why the Universal Guard soldier was hunting this creature, and she didn’t want to. The Interplanetary Alliance clearly favored Rendaria Omega, and could evacuate themselves into space for all she cared, but Tamara experienced a flash of cold dread as she realized she might be in very bad company.

It dragged her through the jungle, easily negotiating the thick vegetation like a true lizard. Palm fronds slapped at her, and her thin slippers provided no protection against the rough detritus-strewn floor. Tamara stumbled and nearly went down. The creature slowed, jerking her upright. She used it to her advantage and purposely fell again.

“Ahhhh! Goonumbo woman!” It turned, hissing at her with its long, forked tongue, and hefted her over his shoulder as though she weighed nothing.

“Ooh! Let me go you foul-smelling beast!” She pounded on his back. “My father is King of Rendaria Alpha. He won’t take kindly to your manhandling me. Let me go!”

He smacked her rear with his large, scaly hand.

“You insolent beast!”

Had confessing her royalty been a mistake? The creature had successfully escaped the soldier, but seemed intent on keeping her as a hostage anyway. “My father does not deal with criminals, and you must know, he’s already sold me to Prince Gafar, where I am nothing but a harem toy. You’ll get no ransom for me.”

“Heh heh heh.”

Cold fear sank into her stomach. She tried to convince herself she’d successfully escaped Rendaria Omega, but something told Tamara her situation was now much, much worse.

Release Date! And Tom...

2011-05-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

My SciFi romance Alpha Heat will release Monday, May 9th from Liquid Silver Books. This gorgeous cover is by April Martinez.

Alpha Heat
When Commander Jace Weston of the Universal Guard tracks a fugitive into the harem of a royal palace, he never expects to find an ally, and a lover, in the nubile princess of the rival kingdom. Forbidden to marry or even dally while on duty, Jace doesn’t dream about things he can never have. But when he meets the courageous princess condemned to a loveless marriage who dreams of nothing but finding love, he learns some things are worth wishing for.

Political climates change like the direction of the wind, and Princess Tamara understands someday she will have to marry the unpleasant prince of her neighboring kingdom. But when she is rescued from a grotesque alien fugitive by a drop-dead sexy soldier, Tamara seizes the opportunity to choose her first lover. The three-day journey back to her kingdom filled with scorching sex turns into more than astounding physical delight, and Tamara fears she cannot live without the touch of the strong soldier who has stolen her heart.

Only a true hero can pull off romance all the way across a meadow from his heroine. Tom Selleck pulled it off in Quigley Down Under. Pop on over to my post at Passionate Reads and read how he did it, and check out all the yummy pics of the classic hottie while you’re there.

Guest Author Desiree Holt

2011-04-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Desiree Holt is here today, celebrating the release of her newest Ellora's Cave book, Downstroke.

As part of the celebration, Desiree is giving away a prize every day of one copy of one of Desiree's novels of the reader's choice from her backlist. Leave a comment here for Desiree. I will pick a name from the commenters for a winner of a choice from Desiree's backlist. Then, after you comment, go to www.desireeholt.com and enter the contest for the refurbished Acer Netbook with digital DVD drive.

You will also find a list there of all the other blogs participating in this celebration. Be sure to visit them and comment for more chances to win.

Today I'm going to be talking about one of Desiree's backlist I particularly liked, Line of Sight. Is this one of the hottest covers you've ever seen? Come to think of it, all of Desiree's covers are smokin'. Talk about a great way to get you salivating for the hot heroes inside!

Shapeshifter Alexa Morgan fled her home in the north when her relationship with a human ended in disaster and the clan alpha shunned her. Now living in Florida, against all her better judgment she finds herself in a hot relationship with Jesse Farrell, the cop next door. Despite her knowledge that the relationship is doomed, she cannot stay away from him. When Jesse, a gang task force member, is hurt one night on the job, Alexa begins to spend her nights tracking him, keeping him in her line of sight, determined to protect him. But she’s terrified of his reaction when he discovers her true nature. Will he accept her or bolt as her other lover did, leaving her destroyed once more?

Excerpt:
The sound of the doorbell startled her. On tiptoe she peered through the peephole. She was stunned to see Jesse on her porch, dripping wet and shifting from one foot to the other.
      She yanked the door open. “What’s wrong? It’s pouring rain. Why aren’t you inside?”
      “Can I come in, please?”
      “Oh, sure. Come on.” Yes, bring your fantastic body into my house.
      “Sorry to bother you. I left my key on the counter this morning.” He raked his wet hair back from his forehead. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
      Jesse always carried his car keys separately.
      “In case I’m ever attacked,” he explained, “I don’t want anyone having a key to my house. I can keep an extra one of yours too, if you want.”
      Another link to him she should have avoided.
      “I’ll get it,” she told him now, “but come into the kitchen. You look like a drowned rat and you must be freezing. At least get that wet shirt off and let me make you some coffee.”
      “I’ll drip all over your place,” he protested.
      “Tile floors are easy to mop.” She took his hand. “Come on. I’d feel terrible if you got pneumonia and I could have prevented it.”
      In the kitchen, she flipped the switch on the coffeemaker while he took off his shirt. Then she handed him a large towel from the stack in the laundry room.
      “You look exhausted. Bad night?” Her heart pinched at the weary sight of him.
      Jesse scrubbed a hand over his face. “Every night’s bad with the gangs. We’ve got a couple of new ones out there ramping up their so-called initiation requirements. That makes it pretty tense on the streets.”
      He was a member of the sheriff’s gang task force, a thankless and dangerous job. On the night streets, he was a shadowy figure in jeans and t-shirt looking to stop trouble before it started. Even in a county as small as Palmetto, gangs were a big problem, many of them migrating south from Tampa.
      She’d taken to waiting up for him, reassuring herself that once again he was home safely. If only she could find a way to protect him. Well, there was one if she transformed. But she had no idea how he’d feel about a giant redwolf following him around the county.
      She ran a critical eye over him, noting his soaked jeans and pulled out another towel. “You’d better take off the rest of those clothes and let me put everything in the dryer. Coffee should be ready in a minute.”
      “I’m all right, Alexa. Honest. I just need to get some sleep.”
      How about in my bed?

New Contract! (And Timothy)

2011-02-22T06:02:00.000-08:00

Every author loves to be under contact, and I’m no different. I had the pleasure of receiving an acceptance from a new house today, Liquid Silver Books. I’ve received a contract for my space opera, Alpha Heat. I’ll post more on this book, including an excerpt and blurb, as the publication date nears.

With six books under my belt, you’d think the thrill of an acceptance letter may have worn off by now, but let me tell you, it never gets old. It’s a little different getting a “yes” from an editor I’ve already published with, because in most cases it comes a little faster and I’ve had the opportunity to discuss the project with my editor beforehand. I already know if she’s got an interest in the proposal, and several emails most likely go back and forth as the project is reviewed. But when I send a proposal off to a new house I don’t know and who doesn’t know me, it’s a little like sending a message off in a bottle. Today my bottle came back as an offer, like a little gift in my inbox, so I have all the new experiences to look forward to. New editor, new cover style, new house guides. For someone who likes shiny new things (I was a Blue Jay in a past life) new is fun.

I’ll leave you with this little gift of my own: a photo of hottie Timothy Olyphant. If you’re a fan, pop on over to my post today at Passionate Reads for Crystal’s Ode to Hotties: Timothy for more pics of the tall, dark and smoldering Timothy Olyphant.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's 2011 and I just want to take a quick moment to say Thank You to everyone who helped me, supported me, chatted with me and befriended me in the last year. I'm feeling energized about the new year and to celebrate I've updated my website with this snazzy new theme. Hope you like!

Mine Until Morning by Jasmine Haynes

2010-12-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much for having me on your blog, Crystal! You’re a very dear friend to me!

I’m happy to announce the next installment of my Courtesans Tales. And because so many readers asked for it, I’ve finally written Isabel’s story, the madam of Courtesans! Mine Until Morning is in bookstores now. Here’s a blurb to whet your appetite:

Every Courtesan has a price…and a secret.

In “The Only Way Out,” Mac Dawson is determined to look after his widowed sister-in-law Dani…who just happens to lead a secret life as a courtesan. He can’t stop her, but with a little help from Madam Isabel, he’ll make sure her secret is safe. But can he find a way to make sure he’s the only man to share her bed?

Cleo thought her luck with men had finally changed, but when she discovers that Walker Randall is a paid courtesan, she feels doomed to always meet “The Wrong Kind of Man.” Will Walker change his lifestyle…or simply teach Cleo how right a courtesan can be?

Isabel, Madam of Courtesans, has seen it all…but she never thought she’d see Royce again. He was the love of her life, and now he wants to be with her, hot and happily ever after. Can he handle knowing that Isabel is not only a madam, but a courtesan herself—or are there really “No Second Chances?”

Many readers have wondered how I came up with the idea for the Courtesans Tales. Honestly, I met a courtesan. She was smart, funny, pretty, and a very good conversationalist. The stories are mine, of course, but she inspired me to write them. Writing the series has been a fun adventure. Don’t miss the sexy excerpt of the first story, "The Only Way Out," on my website!

So, what movie did Mac and Dani watch? Leave a comment with the answer to the question, plus your contact e-mail address, to enter my drawing for a copy of Yours for the Night, the first book in my Courtesans Tales and an RT Top Pick. I’ll announce the winner sometime on Christmas Day. And if you like the first, don’t miss the excerpt for the second Courtesan Tales, Hers for the Evening.

For more chances to win books, please stop by http://jasminehaynes.blogspot.com/ and you can read all about my books on http://www.jasminehaynes.com/

Sneak Peek

2010-11-21T15:14:00.001-08:00

Contest Winner!

2010-10-14T16:09:00.001-07:00

The winner of my contest, drawn from all blog visitors who correctly unscrambled the 9 word hints provided on each day, was Stormy. Congratulations! The quote was:

“If music be the food of love, play on.” Shakespeare, from Twelfth Night

I wanted to thank everyone who took part, and especially for all the lovely comments on my free short story, Secret Seduction. It’ll be posted on my website in entirety as a PDF soon.

Stay tuned for another fun episode next month for the release of Wild At Heart from Lyrical Press!

World Tour, Concl.

2010-10-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

Hello and congratulations! You’ve made it to day 7 of my world tour and the final chapter in Secret Seduction. Because it’s the last day of my tour, I’ll briefly touch on Happily Ever Afters.

As a reader and a movie watcher, I have to have them. Because I expect them, I made a promise to myself that I would always provide them in return.

If I kill my hero...I will always bring him back -with superpowers.
If I torture my heroine...I will always let her get revenge.
If I burn down their house...I will always give them a better one.

I hope you like the Happy Ending I give Vander and Angelina, and I think you’ll like the happy ending I give to Bradford and Ilsa, too.

Thanks so much for taking this tour with me!

Chapter 7: the conclusion of Secret Seduction

       No one, not even Mary, knew about her scandalous rendezvous with Todd Jones, therefore no one must see her cry. But as she swallowed back her tears for the thousandth time this morning, Angelina feared everyone would guess what she’d done.
       Todd had disappeared a week ago. No explanation, no message. The day after she’d loved him in the stables, she and Mary had delivered the supper cauldron to a stable with one less worker.
       She’d never felt so used. So betrayed. So utterly wretched.
       “Nice and thin. That’s right,” Cook said, leaning over her shoulder.
       The simple compliment had the power to undo her. What did it matter anyway? Even if she could get promoted, she was now a ruined woman. What gentleman would have her? She swallowed again. She didn’t want a gentleman. She wanted Todd Jones.
       “Angelina!” Rudolpho, barked. “You’re to deliver a package to Mayfair for his lordship. Come now, don’t dawdle.”
       She looked at Cook, who nodded. “Go on, then.”
       Grateful to leave the heat of the kitchens, she trailed behind the stern valet. Why would Lord Buford ask her to deliver a package?
       A wave of mortification barreled over her. What if she saw Todd there? Should she ignore him, or slap his handsome face?
       Rudolpho led her to the carriage waiting by the back of the house and thrust a long, narrow box into her hands. “Lord Talbot’s getting married. This is a gift for his bride-to-be. Deliver it directly.” He held firm to the box as she tried to take it. “Try not to muck it up.”
       She swallowed again. “Yes sir.”
       The ride passed in a blur, but she won the battle against her tears. A footman opened the door at Mayfair’s grand entry and a maid stood atop the stairs by the door, waiting for her.
       “Hurry on, then. This way. They’re waiting for ya.”
       Angelina followed the buxom maid up a grand, curving staircase. The luxurious house was cheerful with its white walls and many windows.
       “I’m Hallie, head chambermaid. It’s a grand day it is! Lord Talbot’s finally getting married.”
       Jolly for him, Angelina thought sourly.
       “‘Ere you go, in ‘ere.” Hallie pushed the door open. A passel of maids were putting the finishing touches on the most beautiful ladies room she’d ever seen.
       “That will be all. Leave us alone, if you please.”
       The voice rumbled over her every nerve. She saw him standing by a far window, gazing out at the gardens below.
       It couldn’t be...he sounded like Todd, but the man in the window wore fine woolen breeches and a fashionable waistcoat. His blond hair was shiny and clean, combed stylishly. Angelina stood frozen, gripping the dress box.
       He turned and stared at her and a slow smile found his lips. “Place it on the bed, if you please.”
       Angelina fought the impulse to throw it on the floor and stomp on it. Her feet were numb as she went to the bed and set it down. The coverlet was so plush she imagined it would swallow its occupant. Unbidden, her thoughts strayed to the woman Todd Jones, Lord Talbot, would make love to upon it.
       “Angel.” He crossed the room.
       She slapped him. “Don’t you dare call me that!”
       He grabbed her and hauled her into a kiss. She pummeled him with her fists. His soft lips melted her and she sagged against him. She would have collapsed to the floor if he hadn’t been holding her up.
       At once she realized her mistake. She shoved free. “You’re a lord. And you’re getting married.”
       He grinned rakishly and something fluttered in her belly. She turned away.
       “My father has arranged for me to wed the ward of his friend, a young lady with a substantial dowry named Angelina Webster who lost her father in the Crimean war.”
       Chills rolled over her flesh. Could it be another girl possessed the same name? Was he teasing her?
       She faced him. He grinned. “Angel.”
       A tear slipped free, leading the way for many more. “But...I am no lady, and I possess no dowry.”
       He pulled her into his arms. This time she didn’t fight. “But you are, and you do. Lord Hastings, Earl of Huntingdon, has already arranged for the endowment of your forty thousand pounds.”
       She nearly choked. “I have five pounds hidden away in the room I share with Mary. It is my entire life savings.”
       “You have been away at one school or another for most of your adult life. Poor thing, married off without even being courted.”
       She sniffled.
       “I love you, Angel. I heard you say you loved me, too.”
       “I do.”
       He knelt before her. “Marry me, Angelina Webster.”
       Finally she felt it safe to smile, to laugh even. “Truly?”
       “Truly.”
       “I will, Lord Talbot.”
       He leapt to his feet and swept her up. After twirling her around, he set her on her feet.
       “I don’t even know your true name.”
       “It’s Vander. But your private name for me will be Todd.”
       “If you wish.”
       “And you must make me another promise.” He pecked a kiss on her nose.
       “Name it.”
       “Every year, on the anniversary of the night you gave yourself to me, we shall sneak into William’s stable and make love on the straw.”
       She smiled through her tears. To hear him ask it was the most magnificent dream come true. “I promise.”

And before I forget, the last word in the treasure hunt: “food”

To find the links to all the blog appearances and first six chapters of Secret Seduction, as well as the entry form, visit my website. Good luck!

Tour the World With Me and Win a $25 Amazon Gift Card

2010-10-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

My second historical from Ellora’s Cave releases Wednesday, October 6th. To celebrate I'm off on a digital world tour to promote Saving Lady Ilsa. At each appearance I'll post a chapter from a free short story called Secret Seduction which takes place parallel to Bradford and Ilsa's story in the servants' quarters.

Win a $25 Amazon gift card
How my contest will work: Every day I’ll post a word included in the phrase. On the last day of the tour, un-jumble the words to form a famous quote. (No, I won’t consider you cheating if you use Google.)

To qualify for the prize you must:
1) comment on at least one blog appearance
2) unjumble the 9 words to form a famous quote

**If you guess the quote before the end of the tour, DO NOT post it in the comments section of any of my blog appearances. Entries must be submitted through the entry form on my website. Yes, you may use Google for help and submit as many guesses as you like.

Sun 10/3	Naughty Author Chicks
Mon 10/4	KJ Reed
Tue 10/5	Jasmine Haynes
Wed 10/6	Debra Glass
Thu 10/7	Passionate Reads
Fri 10/8	Nicole Austin
Sat 10/9	Crystal's Erotiblog

Come on over to the party!

2010-09-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

New Contract: M/M/F!!

2010-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I haven’t posted in a while, so I thought I’d come back with a note about a new contract !!YAY!! and some thoughts on why I wrote the book I did.

Okay so first things first: (note my use of the colon. It’s one thing I’ve found I’m not allowed to use practically ever for all the houses I write for, but this is my blog so colons and semicolons rejoice) My story Saving Lady Ilsa has been contracted by Ellora’s Cave for a fall/winter release. Or early Spring. Not exactly sure yet. But happy none-the-less!

And this brings me to my second topic. The story is a ménage M/M/F. For those of you who don’t know what those initials represent, it’s “Male-Male-Female.” Yes, male male. Or, as my husband likes to say, “dude-on-dude contact.”

So why does a happily married, heterosexual woman like me write ménage romance with gay elements? For the same reason a lot of guys think it’s hot to watch girls kissing. And for another, I’m a sucker for anything romantic. Once I was emotionally moved watching a nature video of snails mating. It was one of the most erotic and sensual scenes I’d ever witnessed. Like guys who like to watch girls kissing, I think men are beautiful. So the kind of scene that makes my husband recoil in horror is actually double-the-fun for me. Of course, guys who think it’s hot to watch two girls kissing don’t want those girls to be lesbians, they want those girls to be wanton sex kittens whose goal is to be the bread in a man sandwich. So in the same vein, (no pun intended) I don’t want my two male characters to be gay, just bisexual, perhaps just not having found that special woman who finishes their threesome.

In Saving Lady Ilsa, a historical set in Victorian England, Bradford and Frederick have lived a good life together for six years, each having found independence from intolerant family members who went as far as to inflict bodily harm to get what they wanted-namely inheritances. When Bradford’s father requests he take a wife, Bradford leaps at the unexpected opportunity he finds in beautiful Ilsa, the abused concubine of a London tailor. When Frederick returns from a short trip to find her in their house, he’s dead set against it. At least at first…

I’m excited about this book, and I hope it will appeal to fans of M/M/F romance, as well as anyone who loves a good fairytale with a happy ending.

Top photo nabbed from fabulous M/M author Alex Beecroft's blog.

My guest today is Alice Gaines

2010-06-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Please welcome my mentor and very good friend, Alice Gaines. Alice is one of the launch authors at Carina Press with her fabulous Miss Foster's Folly.

Where there’s a will…

I’m sure all writers must have the same problem I do when finishing a book. By now, you’ve spent months on the thing, and it seems as if you’ll never get to “the end.” That’s when the next story worms its way into your imagination, and you really want to write THAT.

That next story will be fantastic, you feel. It’ll overcome all the flaws your writing has ever had. It’ll make editors sit up and take notice. It’ll dazzle reviewers and grab readers by the throat. The world would be wonderful if you could just write THAT story. It’ll make you rich and famous and even thinner.

That last is a bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get my drift. Something new and shiny distracts you from the hard work of finishing your current project.

What infiltrated my brain and wouldn’t leave about Miss Foster’s Folly was a will, as in last will and testament – Juliet Foster’s father taking his last swipe at his children from beyond the grave. Here it is:

“To my son, Richard, I leave my interests in the railroad and steamship lines that bear my name. Richard’s tried for twenty-three years to wrest control from me. May he now sink or swim on his own. Without my help, the sharks among the partners will eat him alive.

“To my elder daughter, Ophelia, I leave the estate in Newport and the country house in Saratoga. No doubt, she and her grasping husband will sell them at their first opportunity. I believe I’ve thwarted the two of them by hiding her mother’s best jewelry somewhere on one of the properties. If Ophelia wants the emeralds and pearls to drape over her bosom, which she pads with God only knows what, she’ll have to find them.

“To my younger daughter, Juliet, I leave all my other assets in cash, bonds, and real estate. She has a headstrong and unfeminine temperament and will never land a husband. But she clings to money with the tenacity of a barnacle. This way, I know she’ll never starve.

“Goodbye to all of you. I never would have tolerated any of you except for your mother’s sake. I join her in heaven now, if she’ll have me. The two of us will continue in the bliss we might have shared if the three of you had never been born.”

I have no idea where all that came from. Believe it or not, it is a funny book. I had intended to make Juliet spit-in-your-eye independent and fabulously wealthy, but I hadn’t planned on giving her a family full of greed-heads and vipers. Somehow, that scene launched the rest of the story in such a way that it was pure delight to write the rest all the way to the end.

The book did make a few editors at Carina sit up and take notice, I’m happy to say. Time will tell if it makes me rich and/or famous. I doubt very much that it’ll make me thinner.

You can catch up with me and my books at www.alicegaines.blogspot.com or write to me at authoralicegaines@yahoo.com. I love to hear from readers.

And now, an excerpt: Miss Juliet Foster has decided that Lord Derrington is the man to take her virginity. Unfortunately, the stubborn fellow has decided he’ll only share the pleasures of the marriage bed with her after they’re married. Determined women make desperate decisions, so Juliet has taken matters into her own hands by finding her way into his bedroom.

One lone candle hardly lighted more than a foot or two in front of Juliet, but she’d come this far and wouldn’t give up before she reached her destination – the Marquess of Derrington’s bedchamber. She’d opened several doors only to find cold silence inside. Typical of him to put her as far away from him as he possibly could, but she’d find him, and when she did, she’d get what she wanted.

She tried another door and found another empty room, curse it. That left only one more before she’d have to double back and check them all again.

The moment she turned the knob, the sound of breathing told her she’d found him. The tone was deep and masculine, just like his speaking voice. Dark. Sinful. The mere fact that she’d found his bedroom sent a little thrill through her. She tiptoed inside and closed the door silently behind her.

Now that she’d come so close to her goal, she’d allow herself some anticipation of her victory. And, of her reward. Derrington was everything any woman could want in a first lover. Handsome, gentle, and oh, so talented with his hands and mouth. If any man could make her ready to accept the bulk of his cock inside her, this man could.

And he would. Now.

She crept to the bed. He’d set his candle on a table there, so she lit it with the one in her hand. That gave her a bit more light to study him, and she gasped. His arms and shoulders above the covers were naked. Did he sleep in the nude? He might have some type of pants covering his lower regions, but everyone – women and men – wore the same type of nightshirt.

Oh, my. Oh, my, my. She stood, drinking in his male beauty. Besides never having looked at so much male flesh before, she’d also never watched a man sleep. With his eyes closed and his features relaxed, he looked almost innocent. His chest rose and fell gently with his breaths, his lips parted as they had been when he’d kissed her the first time. Dark hair framed his face, and she carefully reached down to touch one lock. Warm silk against her fingertips.

He seemed a creature of myths and dreams, so entirely foreign to her experience he might have been another species. And yet, nature had made their bodies to fit together in the most basic way. Miraculous, really. She’d waited so many years for this – from the day she’d turned marriageable age until she’d grown too old to attract multiple offers and then to spinsterhood. This would be good. She’d will it so.

She’d find some way to please him, despite her lack of experience. Honestly, she shouldn’t care, as she wouldn’t stay in London once she’d known him. But, somehow it did matter for that she could do a good job of satisfying him. She didn’t have feelings for him. Not at all. Feelings complicated things. She’d have this one night with him. They’d both remember it for as long as they lived, and then, she’d exit his life for good and follow her own adventures.

Damn it all. Why was she worrying about something like this now when she’d gotten so close to what she wanted with every inch of her body?

He gave out a soft snort and rolled over, clutching his pillow against his chest and presenting the width of his back and the spread of his shoulders. Suddenly, he appeared huge, even though he stood only a few inches taller than she did. What did she know of men’s bodies? More important, what would she learn in the next minutes?

She set her candle next to his and took a steadying breath. She’d removed all her clothing except for her chemise, and that came off easily. It pooled around her feet on the floor, and she stepped out of it. The chill of the night air made her shiver, so she quickly lifted the covers and slipped into the bed. His body’s warmth clung to the sheets, surrounding her. He must have had a furnace in him to produce all the heat he put out.

And yes, he was completely naked. Her hip snuggled up against his bare bottom. How odd it felt to lie with him this way and yet how right. Even in marriage, she’d wear something to bed. Decency would require that he do the same if he was to sleep with her. No wife with any sense could bear to send a husband to another room if he felt like this next to her.

She ought to wake him up and get things going, but why rush this heaven? Maybe if she touched him softly, she could feel his flesh without waking him. She’d never get the chance again, at least, not with this man. Besides, she’d need to know her way around a male body if she was going to pretend to sophistication.

She started with his shoulder. Broad, strong, firm. His skin was softer than she’d expected of a man. Smooth and stretched over the muscle beneath. From there, she traced her palm over his shoulder blades and along the furrow down the center of his back. When she reached his buttock, she savored the firmness of it. She’d called his cock magnificent when, in truth, the word described all of him.

Suddenly, he turned over, and his arm flopped on top of her. She bit her lip before a cry escaped, but he roused. For a moment, his eyes opened but didn’t focus properly. Then, they closed again and he was everywhere on her. His weight pinned her to the mattress and his mouth captured hers. No niceties, just a savage kiss as if he’d devour her.

Finally. She’d come for this. She answered with her own mouth, although she could hardly keep up with the pace of his caresses. His hands moved over her, stroking her flesh, molding her body to fit against his own. Just the friction of their bodies was enough to ready her for the joining that would follow.

“Yes, David,” she whispered against his lips. “Yes, oh yes.”

“What?” He propped himself on his elbows and shook his head. Finally, his eyes came into focus. “Bloody hell, Juliet. What are you doing here?”

Crystal Gets A New Cover

2010-05-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

I’ll have to be honest with you, I wondered what I’d get with this one. Finding good couples for interracial covers is tough. John Black Feather is a Navajo half breed and Penny Thompson is a fair skinned redhead. I thought it would be almost impossible to get a good “couples” cover for this without simply slotting two images together. But this sexy clinch is a fantastic depiction of my characters.

Of course like most authors I love my covers (I think we’re all cover sluts, or whatever the term is) but I think the artist did a fantastic job with mine.

Wild At Heart is really a book of my heart, going back to my love for mismatched class pairings that defy social boundaries. John Black Feather risks his neck for Penny's love—literally. In some parts, an Indian can get a necktie party at the nearest hangin' tree for dallying with a white woman.

Wild At Heart will be released by Lyrical press later this year.

Out today: Claiming Lady Marianne

2010-04-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited ~ my first release from Ellora's Cave is out TODAY! I had an especially good time writing this story because not only did it bring me back to my historical roots, but I ended up with a fairy tale of a romance between an abused noblewoman and the princely servant who saves her. One of my favorite kinds of stories is romance between members of different classes who have the courage to love regardless of social standing. Michael proves he has more integrity in one hand than any titled man, and though things look bad for the two lovers in the beginning, they will get their happy ending. I promise!

Claiming Lady Marianne
Available now from Ellora's Cave

After Marianne is caught en compromise with another woman, Viscount Cobham is fed up. He remands Marianne to the care of her beastly grandfather with orders that she take a lover- a male lover. She is to get herself with child by the time he returns from his travels in six months. He will have his heir, one way or another. Marianne’s grandfather charges his stable master with the task, and Marianne is bound to her bed every third night to await the burly man.

Michael Ainsworth is no stud horse himself, and Baron Thurlow’s task is too ghastly to consider. But Michael longs for a glimpse of the pretty girl who used to cling to the paddock fence to watch the horses, and when he finds her terrified and unwilling, his honor demands he protect her. While he knows the viscountess can never love a lowly servant, every day his feelings grow stronger.

With their brief six months together quickly disappearing, can Michael endure the day he must step aside and let the woman he loves return to the cruel viscount?

Erotic Romance Writers Do Get Embarrassed

2010-03-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting at my desk right now grinning like a fool because I’ve just received an email from my editor at Ellora’s Cave. She received my edits back and has made two small changes for historical accuracy before turning the book in. Despite my ability to write the kinky prose, discussing it afterward has always turned my ears pink.

One, she wants my hero uncircumcised, so out was my purply reference to his generous manhood with a cap like “a Fairies Bonnet mushroom.” Darn. I really liked that one. Somehow, the reference of a forest mushroom just won’t go into the futuristic space opera I’m writing now, instead.

Next, out went my heroine’s clipped pubes. We don’t mention that she’s as shaggy as a Komondor, but I’m left with the fleeting images of bad 70’s porn. Yikes. Waxing is like the greatest invention ever.

Maybe someday I’ll get over the bashfulness of discussing the scenes with my editors, and that’ll make it easier to plead my cases when I really really want something saved. For an erotic romance writer working on her sixth book, the sooner the better. But for now I’ll just keep giggling and turning pink, and be thankful writing is such a solitary pursuit.

Out Today ~ Guardian's Realm: The Clash

2010-03-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

Like most writers, I learned conflict is as important to the plot as well developed characters. In writing the three books in my Guardian’s Realm trilogy, I kept conflict in mind as I set my characters off on near impossible tasks.

Today marks the third and final release of the Guardian’s Realm trilogy: The Clash. Robert and Cvetelina first met in The Combat, and did not part as friends. This turbulent relationship just wouldn’t leave my writers’ mind alone, and I knew theirs was to be my third story.

Not only did I put a jaded human Vampire Task Force agent together with a six-hundred year old vampire female, but I gave her money, beauty, and prestige. All things Robert resents almost as much as he does vamps.

Robert learned to hate all vampires when his son Matthew was turned almost five years ago. When Robert learns his son is in Bucharest, he needs Cvetelina’s help to find him. She’s already irritated at being threatened into assisting the Vampire Task Force once and being recruited a second time -and having to work with the World’s Most Annoying Agent- is low on her list of fun things to do.

I dragged Robert halfway across the world to an unfamiliar, unfriendly territory where he doesn’t speak the language, has no idea where he’s going, and hates the food. Almost immediately he’s dosed with the vampire drug and finds himself bound to the bed in Cvetelina’s country manor, where he faces (or rather, faces away from) a mischievous house guest with a big pink butt plug.

Yeah, you could say I’m wicked to my characters, but I promise I always let them have their happy ending and The Clash is no different. I hope you like Robert and Cvetelina’s story, out today from Loose Id.

Want to win a copy? Leave me a comment and you just might.

5 Star Review!

2009-12-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

Every writer's dream is to get good reviews. I'm doubly happy, because Just Erotic Romance Reviews is not known to be a frivolous review site that hands out five star ratings lightly.

"The world Crystal Kauffman created is rich, vibrant and utterly enjoyable. The story blends historical, contemporary and futuristic without seeming silly. The characters are engaging and witty. ...The backdrop of the story has suspense woven in, keeping the focus from being solely on their relationship. ...When the three of them begin their sexual exploits the combinations are endless and exciting. There is a real focus on developing all the primary characters that allows them to have more depth, no one character overshadows the others. ...This is the second book in the Guardian's Realm series. Having missed the first book, I can tell you this can be enjoyed as a stand alone. This one is going on the keeper shelf and The Combat will be joining it shortly if it is as good as The Collision."
Mark, Just Erotic Romance Reviews

He Made A Pillowcase Out Of Them

2009-11-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

ALLIANCE, Ohio – An Ohio man has been sentenced to nine years in prison for stealing underwear from more than 20 women in a series of home break-ins going back to 2006. Thomas Williams, 25, pleaded guilty Wednesday to 11 felonies, including nine burglary counts. He also pleaded guilty to misdemeanor voyeurism.

Williams was arrested in April after police said a search at his home 50 miles southeast of Cleveland turned up more than 300 women's undergarments. Police said they were led to Williams because he had used Facebook to contact some victims, who didn't know him.

The sentence handed down by Stark County Common Pleas Judge John Haas allows Williams to apply for probation after 4 1/2 years.

His lawyer said Williams is now in counseling.

Crystal says: I wonder if he got to keep the underwear.

Favorite Sexy Movie Monsters

2009-10-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

We’re having a bit of windy, fall-like weather today, and it’s amped up my Halloween mood considerably. We don’t often get “Fall Foliage” here in California until much later in the year, so this is a nice treat.

I’ve been talking about Halloween on some group blogs I belong to (Shapeshifter Seductions and TrampyVamps) so I thought I would continue the Scary Movie theme here with Favorite Sexy Movie Monsters. I’ve created a list here that you can vote on, and of course you can comment to let me know if you have a favorite I didn’t mention here. And please let me know if you have an all-time favorite Halloween movie. I’m always looking for suggestions for my Neflitx queue.

Who is your favorite sexy movie monster?(online surveys)

Weird Sex News September 2009

2009-09-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

From NBCNewYork.com: Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. -- Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.

Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George's County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.

Crystal's comment: I hope she "saw" stars

I Am A Hippie

2009-08-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it. It’s funny, most people have the save-the-world ideals in their youth and grow disenchanted as they get older. You’ve heard the old adage, “never trust anyone over thirty.” With me, it happened backwards. Go figure, I turned into a hippie in my thirties, but that’s how I do most things. Backwards.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never owned a tie-dye shirt. I bathe, cut my hair, and shave my armpits. But at the same time, I’m concerned about what kind of detergents I pour down the drain. I drive a car, but I wish I could afford to buy a hybrid.

I eat healthy. I recycle. I’m pro Respect Mother Earth. I’m against fur, ivory, and animal testing (against animal cruelty of any and all kinds). I’m also against mass production. I’m especially against flagrant waste for personal gain.

So today when I opened my mail and found a thick cardboard mailer that felt suspiciously stiff inside, I cringed. It was from the Stamps.com. And you guessed it, inside was a CD to install software to buy stamps on line from stamps.com, sent to me care of my local post office.

Hello! Didn’t we learn anything from AOL?

If the local post office sends out a million of these things, how many of them will end up immediately thrown away? There are seven million people in the San Francisco bay area alone. I cringe again as I do some quick math. Yikes, that’s a lot of wasted plastic. A huge waste of natural resources and a burden on our landfills. Petroleum resources won’t last forever. They should be reserved for medical uses. But hey, why think about the future when we aren’t going to be around to see it? Our kids are on their own, if it means putting a dollar in our pockets today.

What bothers me the most is that these CDs were totally, absolutely unnecessary. Anyone interested in buying stamps on-line can simply...buy stamps on line. Any software necessary can be downloaded. It is free shareware, after all.

Smooth move, stamps.com. A simple flyer would’ve sufficed.

Sex Is Better Than Violence

2009-07-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

Is it any wonder kids today glorify violence when even the most innocent and juvenile intended tv shows glorify it first? I was watching my favorite yellow sponge the other morning over my cheerios (Yes, I like Spongebob, and Penguins of Madagascar, and Jimmy Neutron and Fairly Odd Parents. I also LOVE Venture Brothers and Futurama) when I saw an ad for a new iCarly movie about kickboxing. Yes, iCarly is going to try her hand at kickboxing. Does everyone need to be a badass?

“It’s the battle of teen sensations when reigning online queen Carly Shay squares off against teen fighting champion Shelby Marx in the iCarly special, entitled “iFight Shelby Marx.”

Sigh.

In reading the synopsis for the purpose of this blog, it all seems relatively innocent. And then again, it doesn’t. I like the part about the money raised going to charity. That’s a good lesson our kids could learn. But the rest of this, something just seems... wrong.

After Carly jokingly challenges the champ to a fight during an iCarly webcast, Shelby thinks it would be a promotional win-win for both girls to participate in a mixed-martial arts exhibition, plus the money raised would go to charity. However, when Carly accidentally pushes Shelby’s grandmother at a press conference, Shelby is ready to throw off the gloves and knock out her opponent for real.

I wish the US were more lenient when it comes to sex in the media and more restrictive when it comes to violence. Part of the reason I love to read and write erotica is because I love that privy peek into the private lives of the characters. If only real life were more like that.

I once saw a European documentary about sexuality. This was a while ago, so I’m not sure if such a thing still exists, but they had naked newscasters! Wouldn’t that be fun :)

I bet more people would stick around for the weather report if we had that here.

Crystal’s Balls

2009-07-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Well I said it. As if I looked into my magic ball and saw the future, we’ve got our change. And just like I said, “It probably won’t be as much as we want or as soon as we want, but change will come.” Lo and behold, I was right. The RWA hotsheet I received said “permission to forward” so here’s me forwarding.

I can enter the Rita.

Maybe I won’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, but hey--I finaled in the Golden Heart four times and won it last year, proving miracles do happen.

I’ve still got questions about all the date regulations, but here it is folks, the “not as much as we want but change nonetheless.” RWA is still putting epublished authors in the back of the bus and only on the remaining seats so to speak, as we have to wait two weeks after RWA eligible publisher’s authors get first crack. Is that fair? If you’re opening the contest to us all, why are you still classifying us differently?

Crystal’s Ball says that’s the next issue to be heated up and fried on a griddle, but I’m not gonna go there just yet. (hmmm, suddenly I’ve got a craving for chicken fried steak).

* Beginning with the 2010 RITA Contest year, books published by any non-Vanity/non-Subsidy publisher may be entered in the RITA.
* Books published by RWA-Eligible publishers may be entered in the RITA Contest beginning September 21, 2009.
* Books published by any non-Vanity/non-Subsidy publisher may be entered in the RITA Contest beginning October 12, 2009.
* Beginning with the 2010 RITA Contest, entries must have an original copyright date of the year preceding the contest year.
* All entries must be submitted in print book format, produced by the publisher, complete with copyright page, with perfect or case binding and printing on both sides of the page. Text and formatting must be identical to the published version. This includes those books commercially available in electronic format only.

Though this seems a reluctant and grudging acceptance, like the grumbled “sorry” of a small child ordered to apologize by its parent, it does mark the beginning of change.

Apology accepted, RWA. And thank you very much.

You Can’t Stop Progress (no matter how hard you try)

2009-06-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

The Debate (at RWA) over digital booksellers as a legitimate publishing model.
http://espan-rwa.com/a-call-to-action/

I really wish it weren’t so ugly.

Finally someone has said what I’ve been thinking. This is a quote from a comment on ESPAN. “...if RWA can keep the emotion down, the business sense up then we should be able to resolve this problem professionally.”

Dearest RWA, why is this not the case? Why is this so nasty? Why such an Us VS. Them mentality? Why do you turn your princessly noses up so aggressively? Another commenter says “it’s not a contest or a war.”

Please, please, please, RWA. Don’t turn it into one.

Change is inevitable: it will come. Though most likely not with this board. Our current president is too embedded in her argument to change her mind, or even offer a smidgeon of compromise, without having to eat some serious crow.

I can’t wait to read the candidate pledges at our next election.

RWA Change... or at least open your eyes

2009-06-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

I had planned to start talking about digital book software in my ebook section, but I think that is best put on hold for the rising storm clouds currently shadowing RWA about epublishing. For those of you living under a rock (and by that I mean hearing about this first on my little ‘ole blog and not from the many loops talking about it, or the San Francisco Examiner-who-lo and behold is now DIGITAL) there is a growing movement within the ten thousand member strong Romance Writers of America who want change in the organization. Change to recognize their electronic publishers, and quit with the subtle, or in some cases not so subtle, snubbing of digitally published authors. For RWA to stop claiming it has “the best interests of its members at large” in mind when in fact it does not.

I’ve been a member of RWA for almost thirteen years. I’ve seen a lot of hot situations come and go, but this one is proving to be the hottest yet. Before I begin, I just want to say this is not a rant. I love RWA. If I hadn’t discovered RWA I would not be published (yes, digitally). I would not know how to write a marketable book. I wouldn’t know what POV is. I would not have attended exciting and informative conferences in exotic cities. Would never have entered the Golden Heart contest, and would not have finaled four times. Would not have stood on stage and accepted my win in front of two-thousand people. Would not have found my local chapter, and made treasured new friends. I love RWA, and I’m not going to leave it because the powers that be, and many of its members, turn their noses down at epublishing.

But what I really wish is that this debate, issue, conflict, whatever you want to call it-didn’t have the ugliness of what (to me) feels like discrimination. The whole, “you are beneath us” “you are not as good as us” “we want you separate from us” “epublishing is a bad thing” kind of thinking.

Now I admit I haven’t been following the debate as determinedly as many people because I made the decisions for myself and don’t really care what others think, so I’m not as in-tune to the nuances. But it seems to me RWA is feebly clinging to the same argument they started with ten years ago: that epublishing isn’t in the best interest of career minded writers because it doesn’t pay as well as traditional print publishers and doesn’t provide the exposure a writer gets having their book on the shelf at Borders. That just isn’t true, and everyone knows it, so come up with something better.

I made the decision to go digital because I wanted a publisher who embraced stories outside the rigid confines of the publishing houses. And because I was tired of hearing that my book was well written and engaging, but some minute detail made it “not right for us at this time.”

Something confuses me; does RWA actually think its ten thousand members should all be striving for those very few slots at what are essentially only eight New York publishing houses that aren’t already claimed by the top of the heap authors? How many writers will actually claim Nora Roberts and Susan Elizabeth Phillips-like fame? The rest of us should just sit quietly at our keyboards and not seek alternatives, and if we do, shame on us?

Anyway, to the point of what intended to say: What makes me the saddest about this whole thing is that (I’ve heard) digital publishing has not been added to the venue at the 2009 RWA convention. Last year in 2008 I attended a workshop on e-publishing given by Angela James of Samhain and two epublished authors. I found it informative and enlightening, and thought it was one of the most valuable workshops I attended. I also met up with two editors from Loose Id at the Passionate Ink cocktail party, and went out to dinner with them (boy was that fun). Because of these events, and what I learned from these professionals, I made the decision to submit. As a result, this year I published two erotic books under my pseudonym to Loose Id, and sold my Golden Heart winner under my real name to Samhain.

It makes me sad that in 2009, some writer just like me will miss out on similar information and opportunities because RWA wants a separate drinking fountain.

More on this exciting debate, including opinions and arguments from Diane Pershing, Angela James and Deidre Knight, can be found at SFExaminer.com

Where Do Ideas Come From?

2009-06-10T10:08:00.000-07:00

All authors will hear this question. (Along with the inevitable “I have a great idea for a book. You write it and we’ll split the money.” I kid you not, folks. I’ve heard this one more than once. But that is a story for another day.)

Where do my ideas come from? Honestly-out of freaken’ nowhere like a meteor.

For instance, a few days ago... (ripply, back-in-time travel effect here)

I tend to be a little more cautious than usual when I’m home alone, and lately I’ve been even more so after seeing the rash of home invasions on the news.

As I was preparing to head out to the car wash, I decided it would be better to use my spare key, rather than hand my entire key ring to a stranger. After all, you get out of your car and leave the keys dangling in the ignition, and right there in your glove box is your registration with your home address.

Kapow! Car wash killer.

Imagine how easy it would be for the vacuum guy to target a juicy victim, press her house key into a mould and quickly memorize the street address. If she’s like me, she’s already trekked inside the station to pay her tag and meandered out front to wait for her sparkly clean car to emerge from the wash to get toweled off and doesn't see any of this. The registration only shows her name. No husband? A few nights of casing the house would reveal if she lives alone.

Will I write this? Probably not. Because as I am writing this, another meteor hit. But that's where they come from: everywhere.

Contest Winners!

2009-06-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, my first contests sure were fun. I like making people happy and these two women were thrilled! I'll have to do it again, but alas, I do not think I'll ever be so lucky as to receive a brand new Sony eBook reader nearly for free again. But other great prizes are surely on the horizon! Including rumors of another Get Hooked on a New Series contest.

Well I hope it's a series themed contest, because I just SOLD The Collision, the second in my Guardian's Realm Series!!

Okay, yes, that was a deviously sneaked in little tidbit about me. And without further adeau.... drum roll...

The winner of my brand New Sony eBook Reader contest is

!! Heather !!

and

The winner of my book, The Combat, in the Win The First Of A Series contest is

!! Nancy !!

Thanks for participating, ladies!

E-publishing Part I

2009-05-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, I decided to do a section on e-publishing, so what better place to start than where I first heard about e-publishing and why I chose it for myself.

I’m the kind of person who does a lot of research. As a student, research was the grossest thing I could imagine spending my time doing, but as I got older my natural curiosity, and my adoration --ahem, addiction-- to the internet made it second nature. I want to know about something, I turn on my PC.

Research into e-publishing happened whether I chose to do it or not. Fellow writers were venturing into e-publishing, so I learned about it from them. I wanted to read some of their books, so I had to buy them from the on-line publishers.

Believe it or not, it was 1997 when I first learned about e-publishing. At one of my very first meetings at the Sacramento Valley Rose, an author named Karen Sandler announced her sale to Hard Shell Word Factory, one of the very first e-publishers. I remember thinking, that’s not for me. I’m going to stick it out for New York. Over the next decade I submitted, submitted, and submitted. My writing was good enough to earn me requests for full reads, and four nominations for the Golden Heart award, which I won in 2008. But always a “not right four our house” rejection letter.

I grew tired of trying to write to the strict guidelines of Harlequin’s lines and fighting for one of 48 spots amongst established authors. Still, e-pubbing was not for me. Other than books I sought out because I knew the author, or had heard good buzz about, I found e-books slightly disappointing. I thought most of the early covers were ugly, and I hated reading books in PDF format on my screen. And at the risk of getting virtually speared through the heart, I found editing standards and acceptance criteria to be pretty low.

And let’s not forget about the split between e-pub and traditional print authors. The rift cut wide and deep, and I wanted no part of the conflict.

But over the years, e-publishers proved they were here to stay. New houses were born (and some folded). Major corporations, Sony for one, jumped on the bandwagon. Now there are at least ten different types of e-readers available, including the sensational Kindle. Different formats evolved, so I’m no longer stuck reading in PDF format. My two favorites are Microsoft Reader and Mobipocket. (But more on that later, when I review the different formats and their pros and cons.)

Covers evolved into beautiful, artistic renditions better than some print houses. Acceptance standards rose, and editing improved.

And last but certainly not least, let’s not forget about the money. There are currently 33 electronic and small press publishing houses listed with the Romance Writers of America as non-vanity, non-subsidy publishers. In short, what that means is the author doesn’t put up any money toward the publication costs of their book, and earns royalties on copies sold. After my first sale to Loose-Id, I started earning money in the first month it was released. I wrote The Combat, and the next two books in the series, The Collision and The Clash, specifically for the e-book industry, and to be finally earning money feels awesome.

Here is a condensed list of some of the electronic publishing houses that publish romance and romance erotica:

Champagne Books
Hard Shell Word Factory
Jasmine Jade Enterprises’ Ellora’s Cave (erotica) and its mainstream sister Cerridwen Press
Liquid Silver Books
Loose-Id
New Concepts
Red Sage Publishing
Samhain Publishing
Wild Rose Press

If you'd like to comment on this post, please let me know your feelings about the e-publishing industry (good or bad) and what you believe are the pros and cons of e-books.

Go Green

2009-05-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

I’m a very green person, or at least I’m trying to be. Part of my decision to publish my first book with an ebook house was to stand by my belief in living green.

Did you know that we, as a people, use 500,000,000,000 plastic bags annually? That’s 500 BILLION! Yikes, that’s scary when you consider most of them end up in landfill.

The good news is many retailers are promoting green by selling (or giving away) reusable bags. Safeway recently had a promotion going where shoppers received a reusable, insulated bag with a $50 purchase. Pretty cool! We use ours to schlep home our milk.

Walgreens has the most effective campaign I’ve seen yet. Green bags are stacked at their checkout counters, available for $1. I bought one, and I plan to buy more.

If you want to get a little fancy, you can go to CafePress.com and buy tote bags promoting your favorite author. Have you been to CafePress lately? Their assortment is HUGE! They’re a little more expensive, but they’re forever!

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Buy a Kindle. Save A Tree.

Earth Day. E Books.

Fight Evil. Read Books.

I Love Romance Novels. Wanna Make Something Of It?

Romance Reader & Proud Of It.

Win Free E-Books!

2009-05-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

Get Hooked On A New Series contest

50 Books ~ 50 Authors ~ 50 Winners

If reading a series is like visiting old friends, this contest is for you. All you have to do is enter your name! The Combat is Book I in the Guardian's Realm series, for which I'm anxiously awaiting a response from my editor on the next installment. You can select one or as many of the 50 books you'd like to win (The Combat included) for 50 chances to win! Them's great odds :)

You can scroll through the Sprout in the sidebar (look ---->) or follow this link to enter.

Good Luck, and Happy Reading
~Crystal

First Review Ever

2009-05-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

And it's an awesome one! Five Blue Ribbons from Romance Junkies!!

For a first review on a first book, I am absolutely thrilled to pieces at the review that showed up in my email box a few days ago. Sweep me up with a dustpan :)

So yes, I'm blogging about it.

"...A pair of seemingly star-crossed lovers, a interesting back story, and an entertaining cast of secondary characters round out a story that is sweet, romantic, poignant, and scorching hot. The interactions between the other gargoyles and the vampires, and the secondary love story with Gabrielle's sister all help to add scope to an already excellent story.

Wow. THE COMBAT was fantastic! Davin's character just made me melt! He was so giving, so self-sacrificing, that it almost made me cry. He was willing to do anything for Gabrielle, even give her up if it meant her happiness. Gabrielle's character was a good match for him, because she would do whatever she needed to just to protect him. This story was fast paced, and really pulled me in. I was almost sad to see the last page, but the ending was wonderful! I highly recommend THE COMBAT to anyone, especially if you enjoy a good paranormal read."
Noelle, Romance Junkies

I realized, after reading it about a thousand times, that my greatest dream had come true. Not that I published a good story, not that my work is finally in other people's hands, but that I brought some reading pleasure to another person. As a writer, that's my ultimate goal.

The Emotionally Satisfying Ending

2009-04-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday night is Movie Date night for me and my husband. At eight o’clock we stop our busy weekend to sit down and watch a movie together. It’s either an HBO premier, or something we’ve received from Netflix. It seems lately that Hollywood has taken on a bizarre habit killing off the protagonist. Has the cinematic satisfying ending gone the way of the Pet Rock? (Granted- I guess it’s the type of movies we’re watching, because I absolutely loved Enchanted. But alas I cannot live on Disney alone.)

This weekend we watched No Country For Old Men. If you haven’t seen it I won’t ruin the ending more than to say the Hero Does Not Win. The bad guy wins. The Departed was another one. 1408 (unrated version). I Am Legend. I love Jason Statham but honestly, how dumb was Crank? (Should have been titled Crap) 3:10 to Yuma. The biggest bomber of all--Cold Mountain. HATED IT. Do not drag me through ninety minutes of the hero’s desperate struggle to get home to his beloved-and kill him five minutes after he gets there.

That’s why I love Romance. It doesn’t matter what subgenre you like: sci-fi, contemporary, historical, even werewolf and vampire, pick up any romance novel in a bookstore or buy an ebook from any on line publisher and you are guaranteed an emotionally satisfying ending.

There are simply too many wonderful books to narrow down a list of favorites. But here are some of my favorite movies of all time because of the emotionally satisfying ending and all-around feel-goodness:

Dildos Do Not Make Me A Deviant

2009-04-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

I hate to rant on my blog, but this post kind of falls under “weird sex news” that I post on my website, and I will not sit by quietly when someone itimates I'm a deviant because I own a dildo.

My parents called the television the “idiot box” and lately, that moniker seems more and more apt. I had the misfortune to tune in to “Jury Duty,” one day, a reality court show where celebrities act as jurors. I thought it would be something along the lines of Judge Judy, where I get to laugh at stupid people who made stupid mistakes and go on t.v. to make even stupider claims about why they’re right and the other stupid person is wrong. Yes, I did just use the word stupider.

Judge Bruce (ironically shown here with his mouth wide open) is on screen, asking defendant Torres why he hasn’t paid his lawyer whom he hired to finalize a contract to put Jenna Jameson’s name on a celebrity endorsed dildo. The defendant, Mr. Torres, never gets a word in edgewise. Every time he attempts to answer a question, Judge Bruce interrupts him.

JB: So what happened Mr. Torres, it’s not your lawyer’s fault the contract wasn’t signed.
T: No of course not-
JB: So what happened, Mr. Torres?
T: Um-
JB: You’re the client.
T: Yeah, um, in the-
JB: What got you involved with these sex toys?
T: Well-
JB: Are you some kind’a...you some kind of a kookie thing or a freaky thing?
T: No, I-
JB: What is the matter with you?
T: Nothing is wrong with me, sir. Simply put, I was working for-
JB: You know making love is such a nice thing in and of itself, what do you need any toys for? I don’t understand it.
T: Well I was working for-
JB: For me, I don’t understand it.
T: Um, when-
JB: Especially with the right girl. I mean, you’re in heaven, so what’s the big deal? What are the toys for?
T: Well you’re-
JB: Why do you need toys? (promting childish laughter from the jury, which includes Bruce Jenner, who looks... not good.)

T: The toys are-
JB: Why don’t you want to pay your lawyer, Mr. Torres?
T: I do want to pay my lawyer-
JB: So pay him.
T : I will-
JB: Go home. We’ll all go home.
T: Um-
JB: Give him the five thousand dollars and we’ll settle it up.
T: I’d like to do that, but he didn’t-
JB: Were you satisfied with Mr. Mallory’s work?
T: Mr. Mallory’s work was awesome-
JB: Good!
T: The conversation we had-
JB: He’s a very good lawyer.
T: He’s awesome. But-
JB: What’s your defense to this suit?

If you would just SHUT UP maybe we’d all learn what Mr. Torres’ freakin’ reason was!

But what I truly find offensive about this interrupting judge is his intimation that sex toys are for deviants. I am not a deviant. I have a very healthy, somewhat vanilla sex life with my husband, thank you very much, and yes, I own a dildo. (Yes, an erotica writer with a vanilla sex life. My characters are definitely more adventurous than I am.)

Judge Bruce was not only so completely annoying and obnoxiously rude I wanted to scream at my t.v., he is, in fact, the deviant. There is nothing deviant about dildos. They were advertised in Sears as “personal massagers” in the fifties. That tells you how completely old fashioned our dust-farting old fogie judge is. Next, he’ll be shaking his cane and rasping about how things were in “his day.”

I hate to simply rant on my blog or make fun of others, because truly there is no integrity in mockery. And considering Judge Bruce was once a criminal defense lawyer known for defending members of organized crime, I’ll be carefully protecting my kneecaps from now on.

But honestly America, we’re smarter than this.
(and I am not a deviant)

Debut Debut

2009-04-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to my blogicile. I vowed I wasn’t going to have my own blog but then these topics kept flying at me and I’d say to myself, “If I had a blog, I’d write about that.” So it seems I do have stuff to say. :)

And today is a big topic. After twelve years of writing, submitting, receiving rejections, revising, and resubmitting, I’ve finally published a book. I’m really excited about this release because it’s with a fantastic house and I was given a fantastic cover. So not only does my book debut at midnight tonight, my blog debuts today as well.

Have you ever wondered what goes on under the city streets where you live? What paranormal magic lurks behind that closed door you just walked past? Who’s really running things in your home town?

Writing The Combat was a lot of fun because I got to create my own underworld. The Combat is an urban fantasy about gargoyle soldiers known as the Guardians who police vampires and protect innocent humans. The hero is a hunky warrior with a guarded heart. Eight hundred years ago, a vampire killed his young bride. Since then he’s risked his life for the Guardians but never again has he risked his heart. That’s all about to change when he meets feisty Gabrielle, a down-home American gal just like me or you; blissfully unaware of the monstrosities that share our world and just a little hesitant to believe vampires truly exist.

To celebrate my debut book and do my part to make this world just a little greener, I’m giving away a brand new Sony eBook reader to one lucky reader. All you have to do is answer one of the trivia questions about The Combat to be entered in the drawing. You read that right; there’ll be more than one question. You only have to answer one question correctly to be entered in the drawing, but I plan to crazy things up a little by changing the question every couple of days. Check out my website http://www.crystalkauffman.com/ for all the details. To make sure I’m giving you plenty of time, the contest will run from April 14th to May 31st. I’ll announce the winner on June 1st.

Click here to buy The Combat!

And because I’m in a giving mood, anyone who comments on my blog and includes a mailing address (or email it to me privately and tell me which comment is yours) will receive a super cool pen.